There are days like yesterday, where I was in a bit of a “funk”. Not mad at anyone but myself. And not even mad really, but disappointed in myself. I just needed to be silent, to put out the “closed” sign, and not deal with anyone for that day. I needed to leaf through the mornings event in my head, comb out the thoughts with a delicate brush and then remain speechless for the rest of the day. Doesn’t always happen that way, as normal life whispers quietly in from under a door and unlocks it from the other side.
I gave it a funny look but it paid no attention to me. My apologies!
When someone tells you that they are feeling depressed, for whatever reason, listen to them. There are different levels of depression, and yesterday, my level was about a 6. Felt like crying, but didn’t. Felt like I wasn’t smart, but I’ve always known that I wasn’t in the top three percent of a class as far as “smarts”, but if the test would be on being a creative person, I feel confident that I’d probably be at least an eight.
But I wasn’t in a classroom, not exactly. But it felt like it, and my mind froze. It was not a good day. Bits of funk kept stopping by, saying “I’m here! Don’t try and ignore me Diana! I’m not going away today!” As if we were “best friends”.
So, after hours of trying to make my best friend, Funky Flo try to go away, it seemed apparent that we were going to just hang out yesterday, make some chocolate chip cookies, and take long naps together.
But, it’s a new day and Funky Flo is not allowed in today. I’ve given her a very, very threatening look and I’m not kidding. I will thrown the cookie pans at her if she tries to hang around me today! (not the cookies…I’m not stupid…)
Yesterday was a bad dream that I had all day. It’s passing now.
I have not forgotten what makes life worth living, or who my really family and friends are. And one of those friends, is me. I have the power to make myself happy again.
Today, I’m unwrapping myself slowly, tossing blame out the window. Knowing that another opportunity is out there for me, somewhere. Maybe it’s buried, but I’ll find it. I don’t mind digging in the dirt.
Sorry Funky Flo…our friendship ends here. Go run some errands, or hop onto a train, but just GO! It’s not me, it’s you. I have no further interest in allowing you to steal my joy.
Much to my surprise, she smiled at me as she left.