So, Monday I was depressed. Tuesday, I was getting out of my “funk”, and today I’m feeling good, but still like a amateur when it comes to letting my emotions get the best of me. Why do we so often reject ourselves from a situation before we’ve actually have been rejected? I do this a lot. I tend to respond to something before actually knowing what the answer is, because I’m worried that I’m in the wrong or that I’m not good enough. Why do I do that? Does our past have to keep reliving in the present?
It would be too damn easy to blame others for this problem. My father use to treat me as if I didn’t know anything and made me feel as if I weren’t smart. My sister to this day feels that I’m pretty, but naïve, and she has never thought of me as being smart. She constantly tells me that I don’t know how to do something, that I don’t know what I’m talking about, etc. To me, my sister has always been one of the smartest people I know. But I don’t feel that way today. Sure, she’s a smart gal about a lot of things, but she hasn’t a clue on how to treat people with respect.
Am I a brilliant person? No, but I’m happy. I understand that I could always learn more, and I want to always learn as well. I don’t know everything, but I do know some things. I know a lot about a lot of little things, which makes me happy.
I may not know how to do everything in Microsoft Excel, but I know that when you treat others with respect it gets you respect. Yes, I’m bad at remembering certain things, but I never forget people that make me feel good about myself. Maybe I can’t name all the capitals of all the states, but really, is this something that if I don’t know from the top of my head, does this make me a stupid person? And so what if I love watching the game show “Jeopardy” and can only answer three of them? Honestly, I feel pretty good when I do get those three answers right! (and to see the way some of the contestants push on their buzzers so fast, it’s hilarious!)
I may not be as smart as some people. Maybe I’m not as “book smart” as most, but I know some people that have a BA or even a higher education that are not as smart as they think they are. Some have a very ugly disposition, and are just plain ugly on the inside. Some people have never learned how to be a good human being. It’s true!
Having compassion, helping others that need it, showing kindness to get nothing in return. Showing love for others. These are the things that matter most to me. I’m not the perfect person, but I try. I really do try. I make mistakes, some are awful mistakes. But I’m learning from them as well.
And if I keep trying…..I just might be smarter than I think.