Finding Ways To Heal ……..

There are days that I come home from work and think to myself, “How can I let this anger go?” When I’ve had difficult days, like the one I had today, my first thought is to tell the world to “piss off”, and go straight to bed. But that’s not the best way to handle things…and it’s not healthy for my mind or my body. And I know that there are better ways to deal with pain or anger.

I called a good friend and we discussed what happened, which helped me a lot. Some of the stress left my body, but my mind was still thinking of pushing this person off of a cliff, so I had to continue to find ways to heal. So I started to play with my always happy little cat, Izzy. That was fun, and it helped, but I was still feeling upset. Not a level 6 or 7, but around a 4, so I still needed to find a release. (When I first came home, my anger was about a 9).

Thank goodness for writing!

Writing my emotions is a great healer for me, because I can put down exactly what I’m feeling, review it, and then let it go. I won’t share with you what I wrote down “exactly”, but let’s just say that there were a lot of words that some would consider “very, very bad”. Or as my supervisor would tell me, “I’ll have to write in your file that you used a bad word.” What am I, six years old? Really. Better make sure that my folder is expandable buddy.

Opps…..just thought of two more very bad words. But that’s okay! I’m comfortable with it and with my use of words. I’ve never claimed to be an angel. I’m a work in progress, but who isn’t?

There are people out there in the universe that are only happy when they see that they have gotten under your skin, made you feel bad, and are control freaks. Those are the worst! But lucky for me, I’ve never been easy to “control”, and I’m not starting now either! There are also people that no matter how hard you try, you may not be able to get along with them, but you have to work with them in the same environment day after day after day. I use to think that everyone has a good side to them, but that’s really not true. All you can do, all that I can do, is try and have as little contact with them as possible, do the best that you can, do your job to the best of ones ability, and pray.

And if it gets really bad, then find a way out. Life is too short to be unhappy, to be taken advantage of, and to be belittled in any way. It’s NOT okay to be treated unfairly. Been there, done that, and not going to do it again.

So now that I’ve helped myself by writing….I hope that you’ll find ways to heal yourself whenever you’re feeling stressed out, angry, or just feeling down about life in general. If you want to share what you do to “heal”, share with me. I’d love to know your secrets!

Peace

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The Glowing Emotion Called Love…..

 When you witness something that touches your heart before your mind has time to think about it, it’s almost certain that you have just witnessed the glowing emotion called love. If you feel this more than once in a single day, considered yourself blessed. Many emotions press through each of us throughout the day, as we juggle between children, work, relationships, tragedy, health issues, running errands, and so on. So many reasons to feel tired, beaten.

Yet, we rarely, rarely look beyond our own troubles and realize that as much as we think that our problems are bad, there is always someone else who has bigger and worst problems out there. And it’s not always someone that you know on a personal level, often times it’s a stranger, perhaps a troubled soul that just pasted you on the street.

I can almost guarantee you…this happens all the time.

As night is falling, and the noises from the daytime are beginning to become less and less, I start to think about crawling into bed, into the shelter of the darkness, and thank God for all my blessings.

My life isn’t perfect. Sometimes, I cry in silence. But I know in my heart, that I am one of the lucky ones.  So because of this, I help those when I can, I try and listen to others that need to vent their troubles. Everyday, I’ve got my own “things” to deal with, as we all do. And when I’m driving home from a long day at work, my mind wanders to less important issues.

Then, I see love happen.

While I’m waiting for my light to change, I witness a homeless man with his dog that had fallen while walking across a busy street, one man ran to help him, as cars honked at them to get out of their way. It was obvious that this was an older man, and maybe had some health issues. Another younger guy joined them to assist with helping the homeless man and his dog get safely to the pavement. It took a few minutes, but they did make it to the sidewalk unharmed. This situation could have easily been worst than a few jerks honking at them to get out of their way. As my own light changed, before I drove off, I saw the homeless man holding his friend, the dog, sitting on the sidewalk, crying. The two strangers where still there with him, probably to make sure that they both where going to be okay.

As I drove away, I smiled. I loved that two people had decided to help a stranger. It touched my heart and made the rest of my long drive home a lot easier. Quietly, I said a prayer for all of them.

Maybe there’s hope for us all after all.

Feeling blessed.

Peace.

 

 

 

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Nice People Have Tattoos Too!

I find it very interesting that no matter where I go, I manage to meet some nice people. Not always “normal” people, but interesting ones, which I like a lot better anyway. And who’s really “normal” anyway? What’s normal to me, may be totally strange or weird to someone else.

For example, I think it’s very normal for someone to have tattoos. Maybe I wouldn’t get one on certain areas of my own body(neck, head, face, etc.), but I do like them. A lot. To me, they are just another form of personal expression, an art form, and some are really outstanding and very intricate.

Recently, I was speaking with my mother, and I happened to mention that I was thinking that I’d like to get another tattoo, and you would have thought that I told her I was growing another head with four eyes and long sharp teeth. What? Do I live in England?

Also recently, I started working for a new company that “happened” to mention in a group orientation that “Although we don’t frown against anyone having tattoos, you must completely have them covered when you’re at work.” Well, lucky for me my tattoos (with the exception of a very, very tiny on one of my hands) are all in places where they can’t be seen. But I ask you……what does having a tattoo have to do with how someone does their job?

I’ve met some of the “sweetest” people, who happen to have tattoos. What if I judged them for it, and didn’t talk to them just because they chose to decorate THEIR own personal body in a way that makes them happy? Does getting the ink make them evil, hateful, mean people? I hope not! My own mother-in law has a small tattoo and she’s one of the prettiest people I know, inside and out!

Sure, it’s important when first meeting someone for a job interview, that the person getting interviewed makes a good, first impression. Wear the proper clothes for the job, take a shower, comb the hair, etc. But say that when it comes time to shake that person’s hand, the interviewer sees a tattoo on their fingers or hand. Should that be a “strike” against that person, before even hearing what they have to offer?

Each of my tattoos (three in total) means something to me. They reflect times in my life that I felt were important enough to put on my body. Key word.. MY body. Not anyone else’s. In fact, my most recent tattoo is in memory of my beloved cat Forest, who I loved so much, and still miss him to this day. It’s my favorite tattoo.

True, some professions are more “corporate” than others. But say the job is just a general “office” job, where the only people that the new hire (with tattoos) will come in contact with will be his/her fellow co-workers. Why does that person need to cover their art if it has absolutely nothing to do with their job responsibilities?

But even my own mother thinks that a woman with “too many” tattoos, looks “improper”, and “cheap”.

Sorry mom, but I’m neither cheap or improper. I’m just “me”. I’m sure that she doesn’t mean to say that that is how she sees me, but that other people may look at me that way.

Do I care? Nope. (love you mom….)

Will I get another tattoo in the future? Probably. I’d say the chances are 8 out of 10 that I will at some point, but when and if I do, it’ll be because I want to, and I’m not going to worry about what anyone thinks of me for getting one. It doesn’t make me a bad person, just one that appreciates the hard work it takes to do a really good tattoo. It’s how I chose to express myself, and just like choosing to wear make-up, dye my hair, and however I dress, it’s how I express myself, my own taste, and it has NOTHING to do with my heart, my belief in God, or how I treat others.

So please, don’t judge me or others for having tattoos. Some of us are really nice people. Are we normal? Probably not. Do we want to be? Probably not. Do I get a slight kick out of people that look at me funny for having tattoos? Well, YEAH!

Makes me smile just thinking about it!

Peace

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Do We Need To Go To War?

Syria. That’s the main topic when I turned on CNN this morning, and for good reason. There is the strong chance that once again, the United States will go to war. And it scares me. Is this a war that we need to get involved with?, I asked myself. Do we need to strike, and are we cowards if we don’t? It’s a very heated debate and not one to be taken lightly.

War has always frighten me. Nuclear wars aren’t a joke. Innocent men, women, and children will be hurt. There’s no way to prevent it and it can’t be ignored. So as I get out of bed, and prepare my morning cup of tea, I can’t help but wonder…..

How many families are preparing to run for their lives? How many lives will be ruined?

I don’t personally have any family members in the military, but that doesn’t matter. I feel for all the ones that have chosen the military as their careers, and grateful that they are willing to fight for our country, for my life and yours, and will die for the freedom of others. They are amazing individuals and deserve our respect. But I also can’t hold back tears when I hear of the ones that have died, fighting for my freedom. I don’t need to know them to pray for their safety. And I do.

So I don’t take it lightly, when there is a decision on the table as to whether or not we need to go to war or not. I know that if we do, some will get hurt. Some will even die. Someone’s 22 year old child may not come home again, or someone’s wife or husband will never see their families again. Both sides of the war will lose.

Chemical weapons. Reality.
Broken hearts. Reality.
Lost of lives. Reality.

Secretary J. Kerry is pushing for us to attack. It’s a matter of security he says. He claims we need to take military action no matter what congress does or does not approve. There are also people that say Syria is not a war that we need to get involved with.

Clearly, it’s not an easy decision to make, and I’m sure that our President Obama has and will continue to look at all his options, and will do whatever he feels is best for our country. Each side is making strong fights for their thoughts to go to war or not go to war. Democrats and Republicans are campaigning for what they feel is right.

“We are prepared to strike”, said President Obama. But do we need to?

We’ve been here before. And it scares me every time.

I just pray that someday, we won’t need to have wars at all.

Peace.

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Hate And Love Relationships….

Ever wish that you could close your eyes for a few minutes, then reopen them to a miraculously new life? Well, that would be me today. I don’t feel like shouting out at the world, “HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?”, but if I could hide within the walls of my apartment, I would. *sigh*….

Life feels like a bomb has exploded in my heart, and there are broken pieces everywhere.

Sorry, it’s been a bad day. If you could hear my inner thoughts, maybe you would understand. But it’s a scary place in there, as I’m sure it is for a few of you as well. No one’s life is perfect. All of our hearts have been broken at one time or another. But today would just about qualify for the nut house, and I’d be running to it, knocking down the front doors to let me in. But I can’t lose it. I have too much to lose. I’m not talking about material things either, those don’t matter.

We all have scars, some are terrible scars that we either share with a chosen few, or keep to ourselves. Maybe because there’s the fear of wondering if you are going to be judged for your past, or because letting someone into the most private parts of the past opens up the doors to things that one would rather just forget. And sometimes, we allow the wrong people into our hearts, into our lives. It could even be our own family members that are toxic to ones state of mind.

I have those fears about my past. Not often, but when those fears surface, it’s so painful. I’ve used a whole box of tissue because I couldn’t stop crying. But, I’ve discovered today that no matter how much I tell myself that it’s all okay, it’s really not. You can’t just take a bath or a shower and wash them away. Sometimes it helps to talk about it, but getting the right words out while you’re hurting can be too hard to do.

But the strange thing I’ve realized, is that as sad as my story is, it’s not unusual. I’m not “special”, and neither are my problems. And I refuse to let it or anyone else make me feel stupid, or worthless, or like I’m a bad person for not allowing myself to be sucked into someone else’s world of selfishness and self pity. I don’t hold any resentment for what I’ve been through, not at all. I mean, what’s the point of that?

Living through bad experiences can sometimes (not all the time) make us better people.

So, although it’s been a bad, bad, bad, damn AWFUL day….it’s not the end of the world. I’m still here, trying to convince myself that things will get better. Things may not have the “happy little ending” that I’d like to have, but it’s okay. It will be okay. The Partridge Family we are not.

And call me crazy, but sometimes, it’s still hard to not love those that have hurt you. Doesn’t mean you have to like them, but I believe that you can love someone and not like the person that they really are. That’s the thing about emotions, they really don’t have a strong sense of reasoning. Especially when it comes to love. You may be able to completely vanish someone out of your life, but some of the love remains. It’s okay to treasure the happy memories.

And that’s my problem. There are people that are in my life, who shouldn’t be, but I can’t change this fact, and I have both a hate and love relationship with them. I’ve tried everything I can think of to make these relationships more stable, but nothing works. It’s like talking to motionless figures that only want to take and take from me until I’m nothing left but bones.

It leaves me almost limp. Destroyed. Wondering if I’m wrong….but I’m not. I’m shaking as I type, but that’s just one of the negative effects of realizing that something is wrong and needs to change.

Among the clouds of doubt, there is a light that shines through.

Sometimes, the ones that you hold closest to your heart, has to be yourself if you are going to survive. Sometimes, we have to rescue ourselves from disappearing forever.

Peace.

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Pass Me The Tea…I’ll Pass On The Alcohol!

Recently, I made a decision for myself. No one told me that I needed to do this, or that I was out of control, or anything like that. It’s just something that happened on day, and continued to the next day, and the next day.

I’m not drinking alcohol as much as I use to. It’s okay folks, no need to break out the tissue boxes just yet. But I’ll go for months now without having any kind of alcoholic beverages, and I’m good this way!

There wasn’t any reason as to why I decided to pull back on my alcohol intake, it’s not like I was having a drink everyday, but I just wasn’t enjoying it as much anymore. So, little by little, I just started saying “no” to having a glass of wine or a martini, and started drinking more water and teas.

There is such a large variety of teas out there! And now I’ve learned to “play” with teas at home. I brew my own hot teas, chill them, and ENJOY! I love peach tea, lavender tea, all berry teas, and green tea is now my favorite. I even went to China town recently with friends and got myself some cute little tea cups to further enjoy the drinking tea experience. But I haven’t started making those cute little finger sandwiches, yet.

Drinking tea makes me feel things that I did not feel with drinking alcohol. Instead of feeling hyper, I’m feeling more relaxed. The world seems to be a litter calmer, and more simple. Not that a good glass of wine doesn’t make one feel relaxed, but a glass of tea, for me, does it in a much better way. And there’s no worry about having two or three glasses of peach tea and then having to drink! Just saying…..

And I’m surprised that there are people that are surprised that I’m not really drinking any more. I’ll go out with friends who may order for themselves a margarita, and then I’ll order an iced tea, and when the waiter leaves they’ll ask me, “What? You’re not drinking any more? What’s wrong?”

What’s wrong? As Gordon Ramsey might say, “OH, COME ON!” Really? There has to be something wrong because I’m not willing to pour a margarita down my throat? NO!!

There’s nothing wrong with having a few drinks every now and then. In fact, I went wine tasting with a good friend just this past weekend and it was a good time. But it wasn’t a good time because of the wine, it was a good time because of the place, the conversation. And I didn’t really enjoy the wine’s that we tried, but I did like one of them. I would have been okay with ordering one glass of the wine that I did like, but they didn’t offer that option, and I wasn’t going to buy a whole $32 dollar bottle just to have one glass. And I didn’t want to bring it home, knowing that I wasn’t going to drink it. So, I just ordered more water instead and I didn’t mind at all.

I’m drinking less, and I’m content with it. Don’t think any less of me for not wanting to drink alcohol as often, because there will be times that I will, probably. Just don’t hate me for not drinking with you! If I’m invited to a wedding, I’ll toast to the happy couple with a glass of champagne! WOO HOO!

But today, for now….pass me the passion-fruit/green tea please, and make it a double!

Peace

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Awareness Comes Randomly

Every morning, my routine starts out the same way. I slowly get out of bed to feed my kitten who is eagerly ready for me to feed her and then play with her for twenty minutes or more. Some mornings we play chase the catnip filled brown mouse on a string, and sometimes it’s the ratty blue octopus that’s missing a leg or two. (My personal favorite, but I’m always a fan of the underdog).

Afterwards, when the kitten gets tired and is ready to go back to sleep, it’s then time to go and water my plants outside. That takes awhile, bending to fill the container with water, giving them plant food, etc. It was much easier when I was younger, but then what wasn’t?

So, now the kitten has been fed, the plants have been fed, and I can see the sunlight starting to come out and take away the darkness of the quiet morning.

Waking up early has always been one of my favorite things. It’s intimate, and very peaceful. Aside from being dark out, it’s quite poetic and extremely relaxing. And I think to myself, it’s a new day. Another chance to be a better person, to be happy for all that I have and thank God and his universe for letting me be here one more day.

This morning, as I woke up thinking that sometimes I feel that I have too many “things” in my life that require attention. The awareness is very real, and it often overwhelms my emotions to the point that I worry that I just can’t do it all or be everything to everybody. I can over-think my responsibilities to the point that I start to have a panic attack and begin to make myself sick with worry. It’s familiar territory, that I wish wasn’t.

Luckily for me, I wasn’t feel that way this morning.

I thought to myself, how lucky I was to have such a wonderful and playful kitten in my life now. She purrs whenever I pick her up in my arms, and she shares her toys with me everyday. The plants may take more attention than I had thought, but in return they give me pretty flowers to look at, and so far, a lot of tomatoes! So many that I can share them with people that I love.

I sometimes complain to myself that I have too many people around me that need attention too. As we are all getting older, some of us need more help. Taking family members to and from their doctor appointments, helping to figure out what medical supplies may be needed to help their lives to be a bit easier. Spending less time doing what I want to do, because there is someone else that needs my help.

But today, I woke up and thought, “I’m so lucky to have these people in my life, as my family, as my friends, and what would I be without any of them?”

It’s these unexpected discoveries that bring happiness into my heart, and keeps me sane. All of the “things” that I sometimes think are too much to deal with, are clearly so valuable to my life. I’m devoted to them.

And I appreciate each of them, for all of their voices bring me to a better place within my own heart.

So I encourage anyone else who sometimes feels that they have too much responsibility in their life to try this. Just sit down, block out all noise and negative thoughts. Trust that your heart will tell you, that you are blessed for having so many attachments to others around you, and that in one way or another, they are each an inspiration to help you become a better person because they make you think of others besides yourself. Clearly, whatever is in your life, is there for a reason. It’s up to you to decide….do you let it wear you down? Or do you let it make you stronger and learn from it?

My little Izzy is purring, and keeps chewing on my toes for attention. She doesn’t like it when I’m at the computer this long. So, it’s time to go, for now.

In about an hour, I’ll call my mom (the first of three phone calls that I make to her each day, seven days a week because she likes to know that I’m thinking of her.) to tell her good morning, see how she’s feeling. Then, I’ll start thinking of all the chores I have to do before the beginning of the week. Maybe, somewhere in there, I’ll find some time to either read or write a little. But if I don’t, it’s okay. There’s always tomorrow, right?

This feeling that some things can wait, and it’s alright if I can’t do everything that I may want to do that day. It’s not the end of the world. I may be needed elsewhere. And that’s okay.

*Smiling because I’m feeling blessed*

I guess this sort of feeling comes with experience…..and with age. It’s an awareness that I know of now, but didn’t pay attention to when I was younger because I was too busy doing other “things”. I may be an “old” gal, but I’m one with family I love, friends that I cherish, a kitten that I pray will grow older with me, and so many tomatoes that I have to give them away! I just can’t eat them all!

And giving is good, don’t you think so?

Peace.

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She’s Alone, But Okay For Now…

Before I went to bed last night, I searched through my choices of “sleep sounds” on my phone. Often I chose a combination of a running river sound, with either crickets or birds, and some light thunder to try and fall asleep to. There’s even the choice of a woman’s voice humming a baby’s lullaby on there, but for some reason, I find that one sort of creepy. But last night, I picked only one sound, an oceans waves to try and help me sleep. It helped, but I still went to sleep with a worried mind.

Recently, my mother-in-law visited. We had a nice time as we were celebrating her birthday. But then, something unusual happened. While we were out, she suddenly felt ill, as if she were going to faint. She got some fresh air, sat for a moment, and although this feeling lasted for awhile, she did start to feel better. But it worried me. And later that night, I wondered, what would happen if she were alone at home and this happened? Has it happened already? Should I be doing something so that I live closer to her in a case of emergency?

I think this way about a few of my friends too. What if they became ill and needed help? Do they know that they can count on me to be there for them? Even if it’s just to hear them complain about what’s bothering them, or to hold their hand if they are feeling down. I am here for them.

Living alone can be a great time in someone’s life. You don’t always need to be in a relationship to be happy or comfortable with yourself. Lots of people are quite happy being by themselves. Even I enjoy sleeping alone every once in awhile, being able to stretch out in any direction without the fear of kicking someone in the stomach or worst! (And I’ve been known to even kick off a cat or two off of the bed, totally by accident!)

But we all need that human contact in one form or another. Whether it’s having the television on just to hear people talking, or listening to music, or “chatting” with people on our computers. We need to feel connected when we’re feeling happy, and even more when we’re sad or feeling ill.

Sometimes, all we need to do is to pick up a phone, and call someone. Ask how someone’s doing today, let them know that you’re just checking in to make sure that they are still hanging in there, etc. Let that person know that you were just thinking about them for no reason. And if they want to talk about what’s on their mind, great! But don’t be disappointed if they may not feel like talking to you at that moment and don’t take it personal. We all have our moods and perhaps you got them on a bad day. Don’t make any judgments, just accept how they are feeling and try to reach out to them another time.

It’s hard for me not to worry about my family, my friends. I wish that I was able to give them all everything that they needed to be happy. I wished that we all lived on the same block so that way if one needed something, all I had to do was toss on a t-shirt, some shorts, and walk over to see them in less than ten minutes. (Fifteen minutes if I had to put on some make-up first).

But real life isn’t like that. This isn’t “Sex In The City”, or “Desperate Housewives”. (But, I’d love to be Carrie Bradshaw for a week!).

We don’t live close, but close enough that a car or a plane ride can brings us together. And I try and stay in touch by phone calls, texts, or emails and the computer social pages. But spending that time in person, face to face, gives me memories that I’ll never be able to forget.

Although I’ll still worry about them, about our futures as we each get older, it’s good to know that I have them here with me now. And when I hear their voices, it comforts me. Especially the laughter. The laughs we share are truly priceless.

It’s the unknown that worries me sometimes. But I guess that’s what prayers are for. And I take much comfort in the fact that I believe in prayers.

Kind of funny, isn’t it? To worry about the unknown, and yet, trust in the mystery of prayers.

That’s just the kinda girl I am.

Peace.

Posted in MIsc. Thoughts And "Stuff" | 2 Comments

Why Watch What We Say….

Maybe this has happened to you as well, but lately, I’ve been putting my foot into my mouth more often than not. It’s okay once in awhile. Happens to most people I would think, but lately….I’ve become a master at it. I might have even put BOTH feet in there once or twice, just this past week alone! (Thank goodness my toes are painted nicely).

In order for me to improve and succeed in my relationships, I need to learn to put a muzzle on myself sometimes. Not everything I’m thinking needs to be said out loud, or at least, hold that thought until I’ve had a chance to figure out if it’s even what I really want to say in the first place. Maybe if I did this, then less people would have hurt feelings. I don’t enjoy hurting people, and I don’t like being hurt either.

This watching what you say stuff is a two-way street people. My feelings get hurt too. I’m a Pisces for crying out loud! I’m always overly sensitive to things that people say to me anyway!

We all, each of us, need to watch what we say to others, and also be aware of the tones that we use. In order to help and improve our relationships; friends, marriages, co-workers, etc., we need to have some self-control over the words that come out of our mouths. And saying, “Well, I’m sorry. But that’s how I feel”, doesn’t cut it folks. Again, it may be how “your” feeling, but why say something that you KNOW is going to hurt someone else? Does your not being able to hold back words that you know will hurt someone else show true maturity? I don’t think so. I’m guilty of this too, and I’m constantly working to change it.

So today, I’m planning on taking inventory of my attitudes and my actions.

I want to be committed to having healthy relationship in all areas of my life. I want to have freedom from guilt, from hurting others for no good reason. And if I’ve hurt them, then be able to apologize as soon as possible so that we can both move forward and not let stupid words come between the relationship. Too many good relationships get broken when all that was needed to fix it may have started with the words, “I’m sorry.” Pride doesn’t have a place here, trust me on that.

If I can do this, then the rewards will be everlasting.

I want to overcome fear, negative feelings, and bring positive energy into my life, and into my heart. This starts with not saying things that hurt, just because I have the need to get things out of my system. I’m not saying to not be honest, it’s always better to tell the truth. (Look at Bill Clinton).

Just tell the truth with some class, without anger, and keep in mind that you are speaking to another human being that may be more sensitive than yourself. It’s not a bad thing to be that way.

There’s so many negative things all around us, some we have no control over. But we can control what we say, and how we say it. I’m going to work on this for my own peace of mind, and hopefully it will help to protect and keep those relationships that matter most to me in my life for years to come.

Peace.

Posted in What's On The Mind | 5 Comments

Who’s Not Smart?

So, Monday I was depressed. Tuesday, I was getting out of my “funk”, and today I’m feeling good, but still like a amateur when it comes to letting my emotions get the best of me. Why do we so often reject ourselves from a situation before we’ve actually have been rejected? I do this a lot. I tend to respond to something before actually knowing what the answer is, because I’m worried that I’m in the wrong or that I’m not good enough. Why do I do that? Does our past have to keep reliving in the present?

It would be too damn easy to blame others for this problem. My father use to treat me as if I didn’t know anything and made me feel as if I weren’t smart. My sister to this day feels that I’m pretty, but naïve, and she has never thought of me as being smart. She constantly tells me that I don’t know how to do something, that I don’t know what I’m talking about, etc. To me, my sister has always been one of the smartest people I know. But I don’t feel that way today. Sure, she’s a smart gal about a lot of things, but she hasn’t a clue on how to treat people with respect.

Am I a brilliant person? No, but I’m happy. I understand that I could always learn more, and I want to always learn as well. I don’t know everything, but I do know some things. I know a lot about a lot of little things, which makes me happy.

I may not know how to do everything in Microsoft Excel, but I know that when you treat others with respect it gets you respect. Yes, I’m bad at remembering certain things, but I never forget people that make me feel good about myself. Maybe I can’t name all the capitals of all the states, but really, is this something that if I don’t know from the top of my head, does this make me a stupid person? And so what if I love watching the game show “Jeopardy” and can only answer three of them? Honestly, I feel pretty good when I do get those three answers right! (and to see the way some of the contestants push on their buzzers so fast, it’s hilarious!)

I may not be as smart as some people. Maybe I’m not as “book smart” as most, but I know some people that have a BA or even a higher education that are not as smart as they think they are. Some have a very ugly disposition, and are just plain ugly on the inside. Some people have never learned how to be a good human being. It’s true!

Having compassion, helping others that need it, showing kindness to get nothing in return. Showing love for others. These are the things that matter most to me. I’m not the perfect person, but I try. I really do try. I make mistakes, some are awful mistakes. But I’m learning from them as well.

And if I keep trying…..I just might be smarter than I think.

Peace.

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